NOTE: I’m reading through “Making Marriage Simple“, by Harville Hendrix and offering some overviews of the chapters. It’s a great go-to book for advice and practices to help nurture and restore marriage.
In ch 7, Hendrix says that negativity is a wish in disguise. This means behind the negative or hurtful thoughts, there’s an unmet desire. We long for something that is not being met. This is good news! It gives us insights as to what we CAN DO with our anger, hurt, or deep needs.
Hendrix offers simple ways to communicate these wishes in way that is responsible and clear enough for your partner to understand.
Here are a few steps (buy the book for the rest of them… 😉
1. Say it so your partner can hear (Use “I” statements such as “I feel lonely”, not “You are never home!”)
2. Be brief and clear (don’t ramble on and flood your partner with EVERYTHING)
3. Choose one frustration at a time (this will help your partner to respond)
4. Approach your partner when you’re feeling calm (it’s HOW and WHEN you say it that matters)
5. Never criticize, shame, blame, or analyze your partner.Making Marriage Simple, by Harvile Hendrix (ch. 7)
You’ll have to read the rest for some additional tips on sharing the actual wish and behavioral change you’re looking for. It’s easy to read and understand. Go for it! Get it! 🙂