Pain is a teller of grief and loss.
The hardest thing for me to believe is that I am loved and lovable. I can hide behind a veneer of victimization (“what about me” syndrome) as a zone to protect myself. But it leads to more sadness and depression. And then the voice of shame really goes to work on me, robbing me of any feeling of being at home with myself.
I long to…
- love and be loved
- understand and be understood
- see and be seen
- value and be valued
- hear and be heard
- know and be known
- like and be liked
Like Mary looking for Jesus at the tomb, I too am looking for something that I’ve lost, something that gets taken from me: the voice of being loved. Failure, shame, guilt…take it from me.
Something has died in me and I’m looking for where it might have gone.
Why am I grieving? And what am I looking for? Two questions for the journey. I’ve lost the voice of being the beloved. I’m hoping to hear it again.
“Do not be afraid for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name – you are mine…
Because you are precious in my presence, you have been glorified,
and I love you.” (Isaiah 43:1-4)