“Spiritually and morally he was searching, sincerely and even desperately, for someone or something to commit himself to; but, even as he flirted with faith and church, his restlessness and bad habits made it difficult for him to commit himself to anything in a consistent way.”
– Ronald Rolheiser, source link
The quote is leading towards a deeper truth about contemplative prayer; mainly that through this form of prayer, we are becoming more attuned to the eternal in the ordinary-everyday experience. I get this at some level in my soul. I sometimes feel restless and ask myself, “is this all there is?” It may be, but eternity is staring me in the face and I may not be aware of it…
What struck me most about Rolheiser’s quote regarding Thomas Merton is the principle that we have a need to commit ourselves to something or someone (or both), in a consistent way. It makes sense that one of the original wounds some of us struggle with is fear of commitment and abandonment. We feel stuck, isolated, afraid that “this is it”. But we don’t see how we become more of ourselves when we give our lives away to someone or something.
When Merton gave his life away to the trappist monastery, he was committing to something greater than himself. It was a commitment to pray, serve, practice solitude, and learn to live in community. Our commitments are no less. His life of contemplative prayer helped him to see the eternal in his lifelong commitment.
While I’ve given my life away to marriage, parenting, and being a chaplain, there seems to be something deeper calling me. I’m still seeking a deeper level of commitment; something that will cost me my whole life. I also recognize that my own practice of contemplative prayer is opening me up to see the deep eternal purposes in every day life and my current commitments. Eternity is present in the now to these commitments. I’m just praying for the eyes to see the depth and the ears to hear the eternal in my marriage, parenting, and those I serve. There’s more happening than I realize!
I’m also becoming more sympathetic to those who have committed themselves to a work/vocation of being engineers, sales and marketing strategists, technicians, gardeners, or artists. Many have found their calling in such endeavors. I envy them in some way. And yet, I think we need better ways to honor their calling and commitments.
Have you given your life away to something or someone? How have you experienced the eternal (the depth) of this commitment? How has it shaped you?