We are living longer these days. Into our 80s and 90s. And strong. By all accounts, I’m barely halfway if I live to be 85. I’ve seen and done a lot of things that have brought me joy. Sometimes I wake up and ask myself if the life I have is it. I’ve been trying to answer that question by wondering what more I should do or become. But it’s falling short.
Instead, I’m leaning into my faith.
Dreams have a way to speak to us. It could very well be an unloading of the unconscious, which is very healthy. But they can also have deeper meanings. Dreams have been very clear and symbolic lately. I recently had a dream about John ch. 14-15. Dwell. Abide. Remain. In my dream, I felt a deep hole being filled with God’s tenderness and presence.
Psalm 90:14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
Our faith tradition tells us that we God created us for a deep, communal relationship. In this space of relating, I seem to be more of my true self: one who is loved and has the power to love others in my own unique ways. Isn’t that when the self is at its most truest? When it is known to be loved and is catalyzed to love others?
It just so happens that one of the readings for today was John 15. And it was the reminder that my primary work is to give myself over to the presence of God, where there is deep satisfaction beyond feelings, thoughts, and performance.
If I’m going to live a long life, I pray to be satisfied in the presence of the Sacred in ways that I might see in all the simplicity and little things of life. Making coffee in the morning. Putting on a new hoodie in SoCal weather that is dipping into the high 30s at night in November. Sitting in my reading chair and preparing myself for the satisfying Presence of the Sacred: Father/Son/Spirit.